set a little over a year before after party
NANON
"so, i think you only need to add a little more on the company information part. it's never hurt to give information about the identity of the company you did your research on," blue, nanon's senior by one academic year told him. they're actually the same age, but since nanon was born later in the year he got in school a little bit later. "okay, then what about the tables? do i need to add anything?", nanon asked him while showing his project table. blue pulled nanon's laptop closer to him to review the table. "no, i think it's good already, it shows all information that we need. maybe try to be a bit more descriptive withㅡ"
"you didn't answer any of my texts yesterday and here you are," nanon flinched when he heard a familiar voice to his left. he looked to where the voice came from and ohm, his boyfriend for 2 years stood there. "i'm really truly sorry, i was busy with my thesis yesterday, still am, actually," nanon didn't really apologize, it was as if he was pleading, but he wasn't as scared since blue was here and they were in the middle of their faculty's outdoor co working space. "yeah, he was doing some survey for his thesis out of the city. we just got back late at night," nanon mentally face palmed when he heard blue said "we", it wasn't going to end good. ohm was about to say something but blue was faster. "so, i think that's all you need to do for the thesis. i'll send you the pdf of the summary for the defense. bye, non, ohm," blue left and nanon turned off his laptop and ready to go home. but then he remembered that blue offered to pick him up to campus, so he was stuck with ohm.
(play happier than ever by billie eilish)
"what did he mean by "we went out of the city yesterday"?", ohm asked him, and nanon exhaled heavily, and just continued packing his laptop and the books he brought. "answer me," ohm now stood in front of him. "you clearly missed the "survey for thesis" part, stop only picking words that you want to hear," nanon replied calmly and started walking. he didn't know where to go but anywhere but here was a good start. "don't walk away from me! you still got some explanation to do!", nanon kept walking until he realized that a lot of people were looking at them in the parking lot and he was too tired to deal with public attention.
"i don't think there's any explanation that i need to do, you heard what blue said. as for not replying your texts, i'm really sorry. the company that i did the research on, only informed me an hour before the survey, so i needed to get ready right away. i'm sorry for not telling you before. i got home at 11 pm last night and did my thesis right away and my phone died. i only got an hour of sleep, so please, ohm, i literally have no energy to argue with you," nanon was this close to roll his eyes, but he tried hard not to, because ohm would think it was rude and what not. "but why does it have to be with him? you can ask me to take you," ohm asked him once again.
"it has to be blue because his thesis had similar themes to mine, so the professor asked me to contact him to help both her work and mine by helping me write it. and he happened to work in the same building as the company that i surveyed,"
ohm looked at nanon in disbelief. as if his explanation wasn't enough. "but did you have to go there with him, only the two of you with no one else? you can ask me, i'm your boyfriend. you should've asked me!", ohm said loudly and some people stopped. he went on again and said, "don't you know? that your dad asked me to take care of you? protect you? and this is what you're doing?!", at that point, some people already stopped and stared at them. whispers were heard, but nanon only paid attention to the bus stop right outside the gate of his faculty. he needed to getaway from there.
"oh, and you got home at 11 pm, right? what did you guys do? had dinner? went to a night club? oh i know, you fucked him, didn't you, youㅡ"
"OHM!", nanon yelled and now he could say for sure that everyone looked at them. he saw something changed in ohm's eyes. what once was anger and confusion, it turned into something darker. and nanon who was annoyed starting to feel genuinely scared.
"that's how you want it to be then. here i am being concerned about our relationship, and you're just discreditingㅡ", nanon felt like all the luck in the world was on his side right now, because he saw a bus approaching. without any second thoughts, he ran to the bus stop and left ohm shouting harsh words at him.
nanon just ran very fast to the bus stop and felt ohm's hand almost reaching his backpack's straps when he got in the thankfully empty bus quickly and the bus drove away with ohm's enraged face in the back.
nanon sat down at the back row window seat, then tears started to fall down his cheeks, and he couldn't stop it.
nanon cried not because of what ohm just did to him in front of, probably the whole faculty. he cried because he was confused as to when thing started to go down hill in their relationship. he cried because never in a million years he'd thought that ohm who was a totally sweet and understanding boyfriend, almost golden retriever like, turned into this toxic and narcissistic nightmare who needed everything to be about him without realizing that nanon was hurting. the first time nanon noticed that ohm was acting that way was when he started working on his thesis. "maybe ohm is stressed with his thesis and as long as he didn't hit me, it's okay," nanon thought to himself but days went by and he felt more and more like an empty shell of his old self because of that thought. because ohm had graduated from university, nothing changed and he was 90% sure, ohm was about to hit him, or slap him in the car just because he was talking back.
nanon thought that ohm was it, his finish line. the answer to all of his heartbreaks in the past. the end of all the endings. but he didn't get all that. instead, nanon was slowly losing himself.
***
nanon looked out the window, dissociating from the world, then someone tapped his shoulder. "young man, i saw that you were having a moment there for quite some time. i'm sorry for interrupting you, but this is the end of the line," it was the bus driver, then he realized where he was. the scenery outside of the bus was what he noticed next. it was dark already. how long was he there? where was he?
"sorry, sir, i'll leave," nanon wiped his tear stained cheeks and nod his head once to the bus driver, and the bus driver pat his back.
nanon walked out of the bus and sat on the bench in a dimly lit bus stop. he looked around his environment, looking for a piece of familiarity. but he found none. "maybe i can look up where i am on maps," nanon thought to himself and turned on his phone which he turned off because ohm kept texting and calling him. not only from one number, but other numbers that he had to contact nanon because nanon kept blocking them whenever they're fighting.
all 200+ of texts and dozens of missed calls from ohm's notifications were ringing and nanon felt like his phone was about to explode. he noticed a couple of text messages from his papa and pluem and frank, also 20 from his papi. all were asking of his whereabouts. he saw the time.
it was almost 9.
nanon felt like he had the worst hangover because of how confused he was. he lost the last 4 hours of his day, just like that. his heart started beating fast out of confusion. he tried to calm himself and opened the maps app, once he saw where he was, he felt like someone was playing a joke on him. because how the hell was he just 5 minutes away from the neighboring city when his university was in the middle of bangkok.
nanon started to panic. the street was almost empty, he didn't know how to get home and there's no way he told his family unless he asked to be grounded for a month. his heart was beating even faster when more texts from ohm was coming, calling nanon names for running away from him. his breaths were shorter when he took a lot at the battery percentage. 10%. his phone could give up in 30 minutes. nanon's body started to tremble and he forced himself to think quick. he opened instagram to see if any of his friends were out so he'd asked them for help. none of them were in the position that nanon thought could help.
until.
he saw an instagram story of someone with their hands on a steering wheel, updated 26 minutes ago. he saw who updated and it was dew. nanon almost retracted because he didn't hang out with dew that much and nanon felt like asking him to drive out here in ayutthaya would be a burden. but his panic attack got evem worse that he started hypervilanting and ohm wouldn't stop texting him. so nanon called dew.
"oh, hey, nanon, what's up?", dew picked up almost instantly. then nanon tried to tell dew his situation in the middle of sobs and hiccups.
"are you okay? what's wrong? do you need me to go there? take a deep breath, slowly," then nanon told dew again, this time was a little clearer.
"okay send me your location, i'll pick you up there. i'm not gonna hang up,", he sent dew the location he was currently in. dew let out a confused sound, then relief. "you're lucky, i'm actually in the area, i'll be there in 10 minutes. try to stay calm, okay? and breathe. you're going to pass out if you're not breathing," dew said softly and kept his promise of staying in call.
a few minutes later, nanon saw a car slowing down in front of the bus stop which he knew to be dew, and he let out the biggest and longest breath of relief when dew walked out of the car. nanon stood up and met dew in the middle. he didn't know if it was because all the things he's gone through today or the post-panic attack joy, he started hugging dew and cried loudly in dew's shoulder. a pair of hands was bringing him even closer and giving him a constant reassuring, warm rubs.
"just let it all out. it's gonna be okay. everything's gonna be okay,", dew reassured nanon calmly and rubbed the back of nanon's head.
during his cries, nanon realized that this was the first time in the longest time that he could cry as freely as he wanted, letting out all that's been ent up in his mind, with a warm hug making him feel safe.
***
once nanon felt that his panic attack had passed (thanks to dew for helping him with breathing exercise), they walked over and got inside dew's car. after that, nanon just told dew to take him home straight away and they went back to their preferred silence. nanon mentally face palmed, like how could he hugged dew just like that? they weren't even that close. he could count the amount of times he had a chat with dew, yet he was hugging dew like they were in a long term romantic relationship. "dew isn't going to ever talk to me again after this," nanon thought to himself while covering his face and turned his head to the window.
"hey, do you mind if we take a detour for a bit?", dew asked nanon and his voice startled nanon a bit.
"huh?", now nanon's surprise turned into a confusion.
"i'm craving for ice cream. hadn't eaten them for a while," dew explained after looking at nanon's confused face. "there's an ice cream place around here?" nanon asked. dew nodded as an answer. "i used to go there a lot when i was a kid. kind of a hidden gem actually. i knew about the place because my papa used to run a bar in the area," nanon nodded after hearing dew's expalanation. he remembered when dew just moved accross the street from his house and apo, his papa, told his papi that he studied mixology and worked as a bartender in new york for a bit as a life update after college.
dew stopped the car in front of a small alley full of neon lights and led strips. it was not too long for nanon to realize that it was a hidden tourist attraction area. a lot of bars, pubs, and night lounges populated the area. "come," dew said and walked out of the car, then nanon followed him shortly after. to be in awe would be an understatement, because nanon was full on jaw dropped right now. it was crazy that a place like this was hidden and he didn't know about it until now. the alleyway was like a place he would see in japan or korea. full of people from various countries, very vibrant and lively.
"this way," dew took nanon's hand in his and it brought nanon back to reality. he brought nanon to a small ice cream parlour squeezed between a bar and cafe with bar table and stools on their right side once they walked in a several table and seats in front of them. it felt like the ice cream parlour was frozen in the 60s and nanon liked that actually.
dew and nanon saw a familiar face. two familiar faces for nanon actually. "hey guys! you're here too?", the girl with shoulder length hair greeted them. she was there with a boy who was a little bit taller than her but trying to look at anywhere but nanon's face, and nanon chuckled at his cute antics. "hi, tu! what brought you here?", dew asked her. tu was nanon's high school's friend but they weren't that close because they were in different homeroom but there were some classes in which they were together. he knew that she was one of dew's inner circle and closest friend as he saw dew in a lot of tu's instagram posts and stories.
"oh, we were actually just around the area, and i'm craving some ice cream. what about you two?", dew answered and look at both of them.
"we just got back from buying my film roll, i ran out of them. and he, my brother, wanted some ice cream," she nudged her brother who was still avoiding nanon's gaze. "hey, don't you want to say something? your favorite senior is here. you never shut up about the perfect nanon vihokratana and now that you meet him up close, you're just gonna hide your face?", tu said in a teasing way. "sis, stop it!", her brother's face turned red and everyone else was laughing.
" you're fourth, right?", nanon asked him and fourth who was keeping his head down looked at nanon then nodded. "i saw you play at the final football cup at the university. you were amazing. no wonder your faculty only lose once, and that was only in group phase. i didn't know you're tu's brother!", fourth gasped excitedly at what nanon said. nanon could tell how happy fourth was from the way he told nanon how he felt when he was in the field for the match. nanon just nodded knowingly because he knew exactly how it felt. but that excitement was cut short because tu reminded fourth that he had morning class the next day and had to go home. they exchanged goodbyes shortly after.
"you can just sit here, i'll order you the ice cream. what do you want?", dew asked when they sat in a table in the corner, looking out to the street. "i'll have chocolate sundae," dew nodded and walked in the bar direction to order. it seemed that most of the employee there knew dew, as they were doing some family like gestures, saying how much he had grown, hugging him, patting his head. then he pointed to where he sat with nanon and the old man who seemed to be the owner waved to nanon and he waved back. dew walked back with a tall glass of ice cream sundae, completed with the garnishes like cherry, chocolate sprinkles, cookie roll on one hand, and a piece of what seems to be ice cream cake. "one chocolate sundae for you, and one ice cream cake for me," dew said excitedly as he put those two dishes down and sat himself down on the chair.
"whoa, they really went all out with the sundae. i thought i was only going to get a vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup drizzled on top," nanon looked at the tall glass in front of him in awe and confusion. as if he didn't know where to begin. "well, if there's one thing that this ice cream place is, it's the fact that they kept almost everything the same as its original look, including the menu," dew explained to nanon before feeding himself the ice cream cake. nanon ate a spoonful of the sundae and moaned loudly. "it's good, isn't it?", dew looked at him, waiting for his answer. "good? it's amazing, i feel like i can die happily now," nanon exclaimed and dew just chuckled at his reaction, "hey, don't die just yet. you haven't finished your album," dew whined dramatically and nanon just exhaled at what he said. "right, the album. it's definitely coming. i don't know what year, but it's coming, i think."
and just like that, dew's phone rang loudly and nanon reminded of his own phone who is probably dead by now. dew picked up the phone, "hello," nanon tried to not listening to the conversation out of respect. "oh, yeah, nanon is with me right now. we're eating ice cream together,", nanon couldn't help but to pay attention to the conversation now that his name was mentioned. "would you like to talk to him?", dew was looking at nanon, tried to give him a sign on whoever was on the other side of the phone. "of course, i will bring him home after this, yes, sir. you're welcome,", dew hung up the phone and nanon's face was probably a big question mark right now, because dew answered what he was questioning in his head. "it was your papa, uncle tay. he was wondering whether i'm with you or not since he can't reach you," nanon nodded knowingly. "my phone is dead, i can't call him. the last percentages that it had i used to call you," nanon continued eating the ice cream.
"if you don't mind me asking, why were you there? it's okay if you don't want to answer it," dew threaded carefully through his words. nanon put down his spoon and leaned on the seat. "it's fine. i had a fight with my boyfriend over something stupid on campus then ran up to the bus stop to catch the coming bus essentially," nanon answered somberly while looking at the window that displayed the crowded scene outside.
"so, you ran away from him?"
"yes"
after what felt like an eternity, nanon realized how wrong it sounded and corrected himself. "i know what you're thinking. it's not as bad as it sounds. i promise. it's just we were both tired, i didn'tㅡ"
"nanon," dew cut nanon's weak excuse immediately. "sorry if i'm interrupting and just think of it as words of nonsense coming out of my mouth. but my dad said " if they make you feel bad and feel like you have to normalize it after, maybe they're not worth it", "
nanon just let what dew said sank in. it felt like he just had a moment of realization on how much he defended ohm in front of everybody else that he knew. his parents, his friends, pakin, who was his bestfriend that he felt he could tell everything to, and even to pluem, his brother who actually noticed nanon's difference in the past year. but when pluem asked him about it, he just lied and made up an excuse.
"but, again. it's just words of nonsense coming out of mt mouth. don't overthink it," dew added and nanon just nodded in agreement. "well, enough about me. what were you doing in the area? and why were you craving ice cream all of a sudden?", nanon asked in a more upbeat demeanor.
"so, do you know that phuwin, your cousin, he's about to launch his fashion brand, right?", again, nanon just nodded. "he asked me to model for the brand, but he only needed me to do the evening shoot in a rooftop in the area," his words were cut off when a waiter brought two glassea with a jug of water. both dew and nanon quietly said thank you.
"i did the photoshoot with prim as well. you know prim, right?", dew said in a teasing way because they both caught each other on a date with their respective partners. dew was with his girlfriend at the time, fah. and nanon was with prim who he was romantically in talking stage with. nanon rolled his eyes, "yes, i know who prim is. now do you have anything to add, because may i remind you that you're no longer with the person you were with,"
"hey! i was just asking. but i do have something to add to that information," dew poured the water to both their glasses. "i'm all ears," nanon knew that he just chatted with dew after a long time and now he was gossiping about his cousin and one of dew's closest friend, but hey, a tea is still a tea. "when i walked into the venue, i saw prim was having her makeup retouched while phuwin was feeding her fruits from his barehands," nanon gasped at what he just heard. "yeah, i know right," that's what dew said to nanon's wordless reaction.
"not even a fork? do you know how crazy that guy is about germs? he always brings his own cleaning kit everywhere because according to him washing hands with soap is not enough. i might think that they're a thing if it weren't for the fact you guys were doing a photoshoot,"
nanon drank up all his water because he was still in shock.
"oh also, you know when you finished doing some shots, you'd look at the previews of the photo on the computer?", nanon nodded because he knew quite well what happened during a photoshoot as he did modelling himself when he was really young, like pre elementary school young up until he was in 4th grade because his papi noticed that nanon's been missing school a lot. phuwin and prim were also children models and keep doing so until they're grown up. as for dew, he was doing modelling just as a hobby, started just a few years ago, final year of high school, according to the change in dew's instagram feed.
dew fixed his seating position and added more to the story. "i heard phuwin said to one of the crews while looking at the computer, " can you send this one to my phone?", and when i looked at the picture, it was a picture of them together with phuwin's head on prim's lap,"
nanon almost spat out the water he was drinking if it's not because he realized he was talking with dew, in an ice cream parlour, and not with pakin in his bedroom.
"shut up, you're lying,"
"i can guarantee you, that i'm not,"
"you know what? i'm not surprised if they're a thing. they've been friends for so long. my auntie knows prim's parents. phuwin almost walked out, no, ran out of the monthly family lunch because he forgot to pick up prim, had it not because my uncle stopped him and told him it was near the end anyway. they've been hanging out a lot, i saw it on prim's instagram stories. as someone who has or had a relationship of some sort with both of them, i'm happy for them," nanon smiled knowingly.
the conversation felt like it was never going to die down that night. dew telling nanon about his cats. nanon telling dew about how he loves and adores and kisses the ground that pluem walks on, while he constantly fought with frank over petty things whenever all three of them are home. dew was never the one who would talk a lot and navigated a conversation, according to nanon. but nanon knew and could see that he was doing so for the night because of nanon's state when they met earlier. after that night, the very first night he saw dew in a different way, he saw the beginning of the end for his current relationship. but he knew that this won't be the end of dew and him being together.
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